How do we navigate rules and boundaries in a blended family?

This article details, tips for establishing family boundaries and other blended family resources.

Bringing two families together can be an exciting time and while there may be some growing pains these simple adjustments can help you navigate your path forward as a new family unit. Some difficulties your children may experience include:

• Sibling rivalry
• Clashing family values
• Dissociation from ‘the other family’
• Big feelings
• Adapting to new house rules

When establishing new boundaries for the blended family unit you may find these tips useful:

Tips for Establishing Family Boundaries

Discuss Existing Rules Begin by discussing the current rules each family already has. Explain the reasons behind these rules and how they function. This helps children understand the purpose of rules and prepares them for new ones.

Introduce Safety and Respect First Set rules that prioritise safety and respect, especially for children who are newly living together. For example, establish a rule such as, "Always knock before entering someone’s room."

Involve Children in Rule-Making Welcome children’s input on what rules they consider fair. Discuss curfews with older children and adjust rules based on the different ages of the children.

Focus on Positive Rules Formulate positive rules like greeting each other kindly in the morning, being polite, saying goodbye when leaving, and using manners towards each other. Positive rules are often more effective than negative ones which use the wording 'don't' or 'can't'.

Discuss Consequences Together Have a family discussion about the consequences of breaking the rules.

Tips for Using Rules Effectively

Consistency Across Households Strive for similar rules across different households and maintain existing rules, such as bedtime for younger children or homework expectations for older children.

Visible Reminders Post the rules and consequences on the fridge or a pinboard so everyone can easily see and refer to them.

Be Patient and Encouraging Be patient as everyone adjusts to the new rules. Praise and reward children when they follow the rules. For example, say, "You were very helpful this morning, and I know it was challenging. Well done!"

Regular Review Regularly review the rules to ensure they remain effective as your children grow and circumstances change.