This article details important information about building positive relationships.
The quality of our relationships is a key factor in living a truly joyful and vital life, and the most important relationship to start with when evaluating our relationship health is the one we have with our self.
As the timeless saying goes, you cannot truly love or care for another until you love and care for yourself. So take a moment to reflect on how you are with you. From the way you get yourself out of bed in the morning, to the types of thoughts you have about yourself, it all adds up.
Start to observe this relationship along with your relationships with others and see if you can recognise any patterns or needs arising. Often when we aren't able to give something to ourselves, we can look for it from others and this can put a strain on our relationships.
It is also not uncommon to see themes presenting in your relationships with your children, partners, colleagues at work and friends. Some common themes include not feeling supported, not feeling listened too, not feeling valued, feeling dis-empowered, looking for acceptance, comparing yourself to others, jealousy, having high expectations – to name but a few.
When you recognise any of these themes or patterns coming up for you, take the opportunity to see what you might be able to do for yourself that could change this. For example, in the case of looking for acceptance, is it possible to bring more acceptance within yourself.
Understanding the themes that play out in our relationships
Bringing in personal observation allows us to see aspects that are affecting our relationships. Often the things we are not giving ourselves, result in us placing expectations on our relationships with others.
- If we are not feeling supported by others then in truth we are not offering our self support
- If we are not feeling listened too, the question to ask is “are we actually valuing and appreciating ourselves?”
- If we are not deeply appreciating who we are, then we rely on outside recognition creating a neediness in our relationships.
- Do you allow yourself the opportunity and attention to develop and foster positive relationships? This includes addressing when a relationship is draining you.
- To improve the quality of our relationships we need to focus on our relationship with ourselves first - this is something we often avoid. Are you focused on healing unhealthy emotional patterns or, do you instead distract yourself from this - keeping your focus on the doing in your day.
- Unhealed emotions are a significant drain on our vitality and feeling balanced and well.
- We can only offer others the quality we are living ourselves.
- Express what you are feeling in your relationships. Don’t hold back even if there is a tension with it, as this holding back tends to build up and potentially come out in a not so pleasant way down the track.
- You might be thinking that a particular issue is too big to resolve. Don't get caught in this trick, sometimes just a simple conversation with another is all it takes to clear the air.
- Expressing what you are feeling in full about a situation provides an opportunity for growth for all parties involved and for the relationships.
- The tension from holding back what you feel in relationships has a far greater implication on the body than what we commonly care to acknowledge. Often creating a pressure cooker situation in the body, affecting our vascular, lymphatic, and nervous systems as well as our sleep patterns. It then does not matter how well you are eating or exercising, the pattern of not dealing with the tension in relationships overrides the self-care being offered in other ways.